absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think my moral compass just broke
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