can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
