I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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