White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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