Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
