He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
