Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
