and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
