I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
