i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
