I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
