I wish I could teleport
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
