How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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