dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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