do herpes really smell.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dicks are not precious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
