I need help removing her.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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