i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
