a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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