i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
