im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
