it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
