My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
