Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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