"it" just moved
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
