She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
