Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
