I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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