you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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