he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
