True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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