we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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