You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There r osticjed everywhere
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
