I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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