he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
