Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
