By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
