What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
