dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
