bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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