she looked like the before picture.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
