alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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