I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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