dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
