Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
