Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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