i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You made out with two different species that night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
