I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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