I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
