Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
