btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
