You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
