Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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