Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
