So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
